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Perp Derp

Real-Life Alligator Man: Kidnapper Demands Ransom with 3-Foot Alligator

By Adam Wagner

May 18, 2018

Someone has been watching Season 2 of Atlanta… A man in Bridgeport, Connecticut, made the call no family ever wants to receive: he’d been kidnapped and a ransom was being demanded. According to KETV Omaha, the 21-year-old victim was abducted and forced to call his aunt with demands of $800 or else he would be “burned.”…

Peeping Santa: Man Known as “Santa Claus” Harasses Neighbor

By Adam Wagner

May 11, 2018

You know the old saying: “You can pick your friends, and you can pick your underwear, but you can’t pick a stranger’s underwear, break into her house, and leave them with threatening notes.” According to nfwdailynews.com, Isitro Lee Sanches, 59, known in his trailer park community as “Santa Claus,” was recently convicted of three counts of burglary…

Monopoly Man Steals Game Pieces from McDonald’s in Hayes, UK

By Adam Wagner

May 4, 2018

Have you seen the Monopoly Man? A McDonalds in Hayes, UK, was robbed at knifepoint—but this was no Hamburgler. According to Metro UK, the subject—who was dressed in a hooded top, black trousers, and white gloves—waved the knife at employees before hopping the counter and stealing a box of McDonald’s Monopoly game cards and vouchers.…

Driver in the UK Tries to Pass as Homer Simpson After Getting Pulled Over

By Crime HQ

March 23, 2018

“You can't depend on me all your life. You have to learn that there's a little Homer Simpson in all of us.” A woman in the UK recently attempted to pass as the yellow, four-fingered buffoon by handing an officer a fake driver’s license claiming she was none other than Homer Simpson. While they clearly…

Like Stealing Candy from… “Gumball Bandit” Steals Large Gumball Machine from Sacramento Animal Shelter

By Crime HQ

March 16, 2018

Apparently, it’s easier to steal candy from a baby than it is from puppies and kittens. A man in Sacramento, CA, broke into a local animal shelter by busting a small window near the door and attempting to steal a large gumball machine, ostensibly for the collection of quarters contained inside. Unfortunately for him, the…

Robbery with a Chance of Meatballs: Man Steals Meatballs & Gets Caught Red-Handed

By Crime HQ

March 9, 2018

According to localnews21.com, police were called to a residence in the Hazle Township of Luzerne County, Pennsylvania, on a suspected robbery—the contraband: a pot of meatballs. The victim claims the missing meatballs were stolen from inside his garage. When police arrived, the pot was found on the street outside the residence. Leahman Potter, 48, was…

How to Lose the Cops in 10 Days: Suspected Car Thief Tries to Convince Police He’s Matthew McConaughey

By Adam Wagner

February 23, 2018

When police officers in Georges Township, PA, got a call about a suspicious man prowling around outside, they knew this was their chance to be true detectives. When they arrived on the scene, however, they found Troy Miller, 46, sitting in another person’s car. Dazed and confused, Miller tried to make everything alright, alright, alright…

Shotgun Blues: Man Gets Ticketed for Driving in the HOV Lane with Mannequin as Passenger

By Adam Wagner

February 16, 2018

Traffic sucks. We all wish we could just scoot over that solid white line into the HOV lane and cruise all the way home. Well, someone in Canada must have been watching Lars and the Real Girl and had a great idea.  According to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, a vehicle caught a patrolling officer's…

Ice Cream Man Attacks Rival with a Shovel for Encroaching on His Territory

By Adam Wagner

February 9, 2018

Bah Gawd! That’s Mr. Tastee’s music! And he’s got a shovel!! According to The Independent, a cold-blooded assault took place in Middlesex, UK, when an ice cream man assaulted a rival with a shovel for encroaching on “his” territory. Always “The Entertainer,” Qelik Shiha, 33, knew that if you want to be the man, you’ve…

Condiment Crazy: Man Yells “I’ll Go to (Expletive) Jail Over Some Barbecue Sauce!” and Does

By Adam Wagner

February 2, 2018

What’s better: Waffle House or prison food? Depends. Does Waffle House have any BBQ sauce? This hard-hitting question led Willie Edward Drake, 43, to favor three hots and a cot over the infamous awful waffle. According to WSB-TV Atlanta, Drake entered a Waffle House off I-75 near Macon, Georgia, early one Tuesday and sat down…

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