Welcome to the freshly revived Flogging A Dead Horse – a once-beloved series of articles that has appeared on no less than three other websites, all of which are now out of business. Given that you literate types are a finer class of audience, and the aforementioned websites were of the comic book and pop culture variety, I’d like you to think of this as my most significant contribution to world literature. You are most welcome.
This is me: Paul Jenkins. I’m the British guy on the left here trying to impress the guy in the middle, just in case he happens to be the One True Messiah.
Over the years I have written a large number of graphic novels, including Revelations (a murder mystery set in the Vatican) and Marvel’s Wolverine: Origin and Inhumans. I have also written for narrative-style video games such as Soul Reaver and The Darkness, and can currently be found writing and directing animation for Nickelodeon (all shall be revealed). I started as the third employee of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when I was 22, have found myself on film sets and accidentally working as a stunt coordinator, and have even participated in drunken Klingon Karaoke at 2AM in Atlanta.
As you can see, chums, I am a busy-yet-random wee lad. And Heaven help me, I am about to release my first novel via St. Martin’s Press, entitled Curioddity. As a result of signing Macmillan’s 706-page “creator contract” without reading some of the finer print (it was hidden in a microdot masquerading as a period), I find myself contractually obliged to provide a regular dose of merriment to the masses. Or, according to Macmillan’s very robust and well-appointed team of legal experts, my dog “gets it.” Simple as that.
So, in order to prime you for a regular dose of Flogging, allow me to present a brief introduction I am tempted to call
Once More With Feeling
Yes, we’re bringing back Flogging. Try to contain your indifference while I introduce you to some of the more significant players. You will need to know their names, as there is a quiz at the end of this introduction.
This is my Nigh Perfect wife, the love of my life: she is beautiful and intelligent – a Lucille Ball for the new age. And she is also extremely tolerant. Trust me, she has to be. I have written at great length about Nigh Perfect’s unintentional comedy genius, and yet she manages to outdo herself on a regular basis. Stay tuned for more on that front.
This is Little Dude. He has at various times been known to comic book fans as Torak the Slayer and “Marveldotcom Jenkins” (I sold the naming rights). Little Dude is also an unintentional comedy genius, as all little kids really are. He just turned 10. So we’re in for a treat over the next five years…
Finally, meet Mini Dude. He’s about to turn 5, and he is a crazy little bugger. I did not think it was possible to love another human being as intensely as I love Nigh Perfect and Little Dude until this ball of chaos came along. Mini Dude’s hobbies include shivving me as I walk by in the kitchen (note to self: no more Assassin’s Creed before bedtime) and politely tormenting the animals with bacon.
So there you have it: Flogging a Dead Horse. I hope you’ll be so kind as to check out some of the older entries, which I have lovingly repackaged for you and will be posted here on this esteemed website over the course of the next month. Please consider indulging me as we build over the next few months, and if you have any suggestions (apart from “go away”), I’d love to hear them. We’ll be giving a few glimpses into Curioddity, I’ll show you my other random job as head of a new studio here in Georgia, and we’ll even give away a few prizes.*
Just make sure you pretend to laugh. Please. The dog is counting on you.
* This is a complete lie, I’m afraid.
Paul Jenkins is a habitual liar who claims he was a test pilot for NASA in the early 50’s. He was born in London, UK, in 1965. He can be followed on Twitter @mypauljenkins and loves to interact with fans on Facebook at facebook.com/podyonkers. Please check out other entries in our Flogging a Dead Horse series to find out why he is, in fact, the inspiration for this guy: