Burn Notice: Do Spies Keep Ice Cream Safe?

Jeffrey Donovan as spy Michael Westen of Burn Notice: True safety requires hard hats
Jeffrey Donovan as spy Michael Westen of Burn Notice: True safety requires hard hats
(Funny flash Advice from a Spy on Home Security at Hulu) According to Michael Westen of USA’s Burn Notice , whose new season premieres June 23rd, the safest place for your valuables is a structural cache requiring a jackhammer and union card to access in the first place.  The freezer is no good for storing valuables, he says, and yet, some home security experts still advise it.

The key for those who still think it’s cool seems to be the layers of protection, in other words, the incovenience (a concept implied more colorfully by Westen in Advice From A Spy.)  So, don’t simply put your treasures in an empty ice cream tub where a quick shake reveals the charade.  Melt the ice cream, pour, and refreeze it over the top of your bagged items. Make thieves have to thaw the contents or carry everything away in an cooler for later. That’s too much trouble for anyone who isn’t sure what they’ll find.  (Inside jobs and international theft rings are a whole different story.)   And if even a 3rd layer of dissuasion is in order?

Ice Cream Stealing Gives You Herpes/ Passive-Aggressive Notes
It really Does!


Image via passive-aggressive notes.


  1. Terrie Farley Moran

    First I have to get some valuables. Then I have to allow the ice cream to melt without eating it at the slushy stage. Sounds impossible!!

  2. Dr. Lewis Preschel

    Before committing to using this method of storage, one must assess whether the ice cream or substance to be re-frozen is less valuable to the owner than the proposed stored valuables. For some of us, this method is akin to storing dust mites on the Hope Diamond. That’s how you become a large man or woman in your field. Signed the Chunky Monkey.

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