Zombies Aren’t Real, and Other Obvious Facts

When I first heard about a man so high on amphetamines in Florida that he stripped down and chewed on the face of another man, I thought, “Heh, the zombie apocalypse is starting.” Some friends and I joked about it, but like any normal, rational person, we realized that zombies are in fact the stuff of horror movie legend.  When I was younger they called drugs that caused this sort of behavior Angel Dust, but it’s all the same. Someone did a little too much and went over the edge.

But you see, like all things. This has gotten a little out of hand. When the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention sends out emails announcing that zombies aren’t real, we’ve come to a problem.  The Walking Dead are still just the dead and remain locked comfortably away in their eternal repose. End. Of. Story.

And for the record, if you dress up like a zombie and act like a crazy person in a state and city that has had a rash of violently crazy folks, you deserve to have a gun pulled on you or to be chased off a basketball court by a group of young men, but that’s just my two cents.

This goes right up there on the list of “Things that shouldn’t have to be said” along with “Don’t put metal in the microwave” and “Don’t tease the neighbor’s guard dog.”


  1. Neliza Drew

    I actually had to tell a kid this year, “Stop smoking your phone!” (Pretty sure that gets filed under Things No One Should Have to Say.)

  2. Christopher Morgan

    I agree whole heartedly nelizadrew.

  3. Thomas Pluck

    Anyone else hoping this idiot got shot?

  4. Christopher Morgan

    @Tommysalami, if you notice at 2:00 he has a gun pulled on him the camera zooms in on the guy. I feel like the guy deserves whatever he had coming to him. It just ain’t funny.

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