What would you do if you knew you were about to be arrested? Would you give yourself up peacefully? Would you try to run? Would you plead? Would you… pretend to be constipated? Guess which one this week's perp derp picked.
According to the folks at WAVE-TV, Myra Cook was at the University of Louisville Hospital when police showed up to let her know that she would be arrested for drug charges upon discharge. This put Cook into a panic, but she quickly came up with a foolproof plan—or so she thought. She told the officers she needed to use the bathroom before being ushered off to jail. The officer found this to be reasonable and allowed her to go.
After about an hour, she peeked out of the bathroom to let the officers know that she was constipated and her arrest was going to have to wait. But the officer was having none of it and told her she had another minute before she would be charged with resisting arrest as well. So Cook improvised by faking a seizure. This did not go well, and she was ultimately sedated. Even after being sedated, she was not going to jail without a fight—it took seven cops just to get her into a police car! To be fair, being constipated can make you rather cranky.