Dear Lisbeth Salander: Paging Dr. Perv

This week's guest columnist is Lisbeth Salander, who's a hacker but not a hack, Wasp but not a WASP, and an all-around tough-as-nails badass.


I need advice desperately. I am a 19-year-old woman who sees a psychologist. I have to see him because I tend to cut myself when under stress. He came highly recommended by my family doctor. 

My therapist, who is 57, has been giving me obvious sexually abusive hints throughout the course of my therapy sessions. Things begin to escalate as we spend more time together. He is neither married nor does he have any children. He is creepy looking. My friends have even noticed how withdrawn I am becoming. He is a school counselor, and I shudder to think of any girl having to go through the same thing as I am.

When I’m in his office, he always asks me about sex—and not just regular sex, but truly kinky, weird stuff that involves pain. He says that’s normal for me because I seem to like pain, since I cut myself. Nothing has happened yet, but I’m afraid of him, and I know that if I say something to anyone, he will tell people that I’m lying and crazy. Please help.

—Cari the Cutter

Dear Cari,

Okay, first let’s deal with the cutting. That’s got to stop, and I mean now. Pain has its place in a relationship, sure, but not self-inflicted and definitely not with your sicko psych. 

I should tell you to tell someone, but I hate to say that, if you do, you’re right about him labeling you crazy or a liar. It is worse if no one believes you. I’ve been there and I know. It’s disempowering and is likely to be emotionally damaging to the abused person. It is enraging and emotionally overwhelming if someone you trust doesn’t believe or doesn’t care; brushing it under the rug so to speak. So, what to do?

Cari, you have got to record all the sick things this bastard is saying to you. I know you must have a phone, so read carefully what I am writing. The next time you go to his office, go to the ladies’ room first. Put your phone on record and place it in your bra with the speaking part of the phone facing out.

When you get to his office, say very little and definitely don’t let him get you to talk about sex. Let him do all the talking. I suggest that you look really interested in what he has to say but don’t say one word yourself.

When you get home, go onto your computer and go to the site of the school where he works to find a picture of this perv that you will download onto your computer pic file. Then go to YouTube. Upload the picture with the audio. Send it to the school officials where he works, local and state police, and news media. Finally, send it to the FBI. Believe me, this guy won’t be in any working position for long. He’ll be fired and labeled as a sexual pervert.

This seems like a lot of work, but believe me, it will be worth it.

Then again, you can always email me here with the address of his office. I’ll follow him home and pay that perverted creep a little night visit.

—The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo


Kristen Houghton is the author of nine top-selling novels, including For I Have Sinned and Grave Misgivings, books 1 and 2 in the best-selling new series, A Cate Harlow Private Investigation. Book 3 in the series, Unrepentant: Pray for Us Sinners, will be published Fall of 2016. She is hard at work on a new series that features a paranormal investigator with distinct powers of her own.

Houghton is also the author of two non-fiction books and numerous short stories.


  1. trip

    I look forward to reading the Lisbeth Salander advice column. I was surprised to see that the writer is a cute, California girl type. I’m guessing that inside that head is a dark place for stories. Anyway, I love the column.

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