Back in its heyday, the Mob had its own lingo. Talking in code kept the Feds guessing and the rest of the Family in line. Take something as simple as putting out a hit on somebody. You had to square it through the chain of command, from goomba to goomba, then up the line until you got a sit-down with the Boss. What a hassle! No wonder so many wiseguys took care of their own “problems.”
Today’s technology would have sped up the process. In text speak, the “I RFD 411 U 2MORONITE” translated: “I request for discussion information with you tomorrow night” might have got the sender whacked, if all the Boss saw was U 2 MORON!
Tweeting might have had a little more effect on a positive outcome for the client. Only problem? @Imagunforhire might draw some attention.
Facebook? What would be the consequences of unfriending someone? Not pretty.
So let’s imagine what would happen if the Mob had access to email. It might have gone something like this:
Our family needs your assistance. My sister has a pigeon problem at her restaurant. It seems some associates are feeding dough to it and now it won’t stand up.
Any help in this matter would be greatly appreciated.
Translation: Someone at her restaurant is being paid off by the Feds and he’s a threat to the organization.
I sympathize with her pigeon problem. Too bad it doesn’t go south for the winter. Does she also have a problem with rats? I have a friend of mine willing to grab a suitcase and head over there.
Translation: I’ll do what I can. Hopefully, he will leave town. Does she have someone snitching to the cops? I’ll send someone from outside the organization with a lawyer.
Your friend might need to bring more than a suitcase. It looks like she’s infested! She tried using grease from the can to catch them, but that just made things worse.
Your loyal nephew,
Translation: She needs more than a lawyer. She tried paying them off while she was in prison, but now they want more money.
Would your sister consider inviting Tommy to join her at the table? She’d have to agree not to turn up the heat. Tommy is very sensitive.
Translation: I can send some guys with Tommy guns but make sure there are no cops or reporters around.
Great idea, Godfather! I’ll make sure she cleans all the crumbs out of her restaurant first!
Translation: She needs to chase all the innocent bystanders out before the action starts.
I’ll tell Tommy to be careful not to knock over her fence or trip over any wires. Let me know how it turns out.
Translation: I’ll tell the guys not to steal any stuff she can pawn or get caught on any wiretaps.
Thank you Godfather! It was a hit!
Translation: Thank you Godfather! It was a hit!
Cindy Kerschner is an avid mystery fan, freelance writer, and professional cook. You can learn about her through her website at Cindy’s Recipes and Writings.
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