Fri
Feb 9 2018 12:00pm

Ice Cream Man Attacks Rival with a Shovel for Encroaching on His Territory

Bah Gawd! That’s Mr. Tastee’s music! And he’s got a shovel!!

According to The Independent, a cold-blooded assault took place in Middlesex, UK, when an ice cream man assaulted a rival with a shovel for encroaching on “his” territory. Always “The Entertainer,” Qelik Shiha, 33, knew that if you want to be the man, you’ve got to beat the man. The victim, whose name is—IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT HIS NAME IS—parked his truck in Shiha’s usual selling spot. Claiming he didn’t know (though his ass never called somebody), the victim thought—IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT HE THINKS—he could set up shop anywhere. But Shiha is the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be, so he yelled—WOOO!—at the victim—WOOO!—punched his window—WOOO!—and chased him before striking him with a shovel. Rest. In. Peace.

The victim was taken to a hospital and had to undergo surgery. Shiha was arrested for assault and sentenced to 30 months in prison for inflicting grievous bodily harm. And that’s the bottom line because the judge said so!

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