Mon
Jul 11 2016 2:05pm

Conniving Canines: Outfoxed by Man’s Best Friend

Join David Rosenfelt, author of 14 mysteries featuring the dog-loving defense lawyer Andy Carpenter. Outfoxed is his most recent novel, and it hits shelves on July 19th. To celebrate, David recalls his most cunning canine pal, Bernie, and asks you to share your own stories of your own conspirational pets. Three lucky commenters will win a copy of Outfoxed!

I’m not sure we’ve ever had a dog who hasn’t “outfoxed” me at one time or another; all they have to do is lick my face or tilt their head and I’m toast. But, the one who dominates me, who toys with me, who destroys me, is Bernie, our Bernese Mountain Dog.

I’m not sure why he does it. Maybe he’s pissed that we were so unoriginal in naming him, since maybe eighty percent of male Berners are named Bernie. Or, maybe he’s truly evil. Or, maybe he just tortures me because he can.

He creates rules for me as he goes. For example, he stopped eating out of a bowl, forcing me to pour his food on the floor before he would deign to partake. He will only drink water as I am pouring it from a pitcher into the water bowls, lapping at the stream as it descends, as if from a park fountain. He is unconcerned that the surrounding floor gets soaked; that is my problem, not his.

Bernie sleeps on our bed, and awhile back, he decided that jumping on was somehow unseemly. So, he puts his paws up on the bed, a signal for me to lift his 130-pound frame. But, that’s not the worst part; he won’t come do it until I’m already in bed, falling asleep. So, I have to get up and hoist the big dope, hoping to find an area that is not already filled with other dogs. That spot always turns out to be where my legs would ordinarily go.

But, those annoyances were just warm-ups. Bernie has always been housetrained; like his colleagues, he would routinely go through the doggie door out to the three acres of woods that are fenced off for their use. There are very few accidents in the house.

But last year, Bernie started to piss in the house. I’m not talking about marking his spot; I’m talking about rivers. You could canoe down some of his handiwork.

I took him to the vet, who was baffled. He couldn’t find anything wrong, so he sent us to a canine neurologist. Once again, the only thing we got out of the effort was a very large bill; there seemed to be nothing physically wrong with Bernie.

All I could think of was to lead Bernie out to the dog area myself and hope it would motivate him to do his business. But, Bernie threw up a bit of a roadblock; under no circumstance would he go outside. The dog area, he seemed to insist, was for the peasant dogs, and Prince Bernie wanted no part of it.

So I started to walk him in the front of the house, by himself.

Problem solved.

He has never had another accident, but I have to walk him four or five times a day. In case you’re unfamiliar with Maine, there is occasionally inclement weather here.

Unfortunately, Bernie loves inclement weather, the colder and snowier and wetter the better. So, he likes to linger in it. I don’t like to linger in it, so I implore him to hurry up.

Guess how well that works out.

Comment below for a chance to win a copy of Outfoxed by David Rosenfelt!

To enter, make sure you're a registered member of the site and simply leave a comment below.

TIP: Since only comments from registered users will be tabulated, if your user name appears in red above your comment—STOP—go log in, then try commenting again. If your user name appears in black above your comment, You’re In!

Outfoxed Comment Sweepstakes: NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN.  A purchase does not improve your chances of winning. Sweepstakes open to legal residents of 50 United States, D.C., and Canada (excluding Quebec), who are 18 years or older as of the date of entry. To enter, complete the “Post a Comment” entry at https://www.criminalelement.com/blogs/2016/07/conniving-canines-outfoxed-by-mans-best-friend-david-rosenfelt beginning at 2:05 p.m. Eastern Time (ET) July 11, 2016. Sweepstakes ends 2:04 p.m. ET July 18, 2016. Void outside the United States and Canada and where prohibited by law. Please see full details and official rules here. Sponsor: Macmillan, 175 Fifth Ave., New York, NY 10010.

Photos courtesy of David Rosenfelt. 


David Rosenfelt is the Edgar-nominated and Shamus Award-winning author of several stand-alones and 14 Andy Carpenter novels, including Outfoxed. After years living in California, he and his wife moved to Maine with twenty-five golden retrievers that they’ve rescued. Rosenfelt's hilarious account of this cross-country move, Dogtripping, and his moving memoir of the dog that inspired his love affair with dogs, Lessons from Tara, are published by St. Martin’s Press.

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108 comments
MaryC
2. maryc
Our Siberian husky loved being out in the cold and the snow. We had to keep him on a leash to keep him from taking off.
Kathy Bubb
3. bubbette
My dog actually looks like a fox. She outfoxes me all day long. She's a rescue, and she outfoxed her dad on the first day when he said we didn't need another dog. ;-)
4. Bethfeb8
David, you and Debbie are my animal heroes. Thank you. I can't wait until the 19th! Andy Carpenter is my favorite lawyer (and I work for one)!
Maureen Heath
5. mlheath46@yahoo.com
I love Bernie. I always love when you post his pictures because he is one beautiful baby. I've always been so tickled about him sleeping on the coffee table and his adventures are just as funny. We have a very laid back beagle who will turn 12 on the 29th and he really doesn't do much. He's got a nose, though and you cannot fool him. He will go outside and come back in and immediately put that nose in the air and head right for the food!
Cara Morris
6. TheRose2272
Bernie is truly 'something else'! I don't have any dogs living with me, but I am owned by several! I do petsitting, and all the furry babies I take care of have me totally trained to meet their needs ~ and then some! I wouldn't have it any other way!
Pam Litten
7. pamspaws
Our perfect in every way golden retriever Sherman was the master of outfoxing both humans and his canine siblings. He could stand with his paws up on the kitchen counter and quietly lift the lid of a pizza box and eat everything in the box without anyone in the next room any the wiser - that is until they went back for seconds! If he walked in to the family room and found all the seats taken (like David's house, "multi dog household does not really do us justice!) he would retreat, go to the back door and bark with enthusiasm. Guess what happened? All the dogs previously comfy on the sofa, chairs and dog beds came running to see what earth shattering event was occurring in the back yard. Sherman casually strolled back in to the now deserted family room and claimed his seat of choice. I eventually caught on and stopped running to the door, but his brothers and sisters never really did! Like Bernie, Sherman has been described as having an "over enhanced sense of self!" There will never be another dog quite like my Sherman, Prince of Pawsitively Everything!"
Joan Schramm
8. joansch
Love the Bernie stories! We have been owned by some great dogs over the years -- all gone to the Raibow Brigde now except our sweet Coco. Dogs to make our lives complete!
ROZETTA BECKMAN
9. CHUCKALS
I have 3 West Highland Terriers and they all outfox me all the time. They are all very agile but my oldest also insists that (after I am in bed all settled in) to be picked up and put in the bed. One of the others, thinks she cannot eat unless I either spoon feed her or (put it on the floor) - which of course I do because I cannot stand the thought of her not eating. They are all so spoiled. Of course, if one of the others runs over to get her food, she will gobble it up without it being on the floor or being spoon fed. My little boy Westie knows all he has to do is tilt his head if he has been a bad boy and I melt. Works every time. Love your books and looking forward this one.
10. Sighthound Mom
I've had the finicky eating issue. Currently, my 13 year old greyhound Hannah has to have her food on a plate in this order, kibble mixed with canned, meds in canned food formed meatballs with warmed canned food on top. I put it on the floor, sit down on a dog bed with my back to her, and the result is that she inhales it. If I miss any of the above steps, she won't eat until I apologize and re-assume my position. Alice (IG) and Teddy (Whippet) inhale their food while locked in their kennels. Once Alice finishes, she screams for cookies.
Many years ago (and dogs ago) we had two whippets, a greyhound cross and a queensize bed. The eldest whippet, Wizard would sleep between my husband's legs, JoyJoy the other whippet would be smashed up against his side. Shana the greyhound cross wasn't supposed to be on the bed but once we fell asleep, she would quietly and slowly insert herself among the bodies on the bed. Today's dogs have their own room; it's a very nice room full of toys and dog beds all over the floor.
I love your books; I've been reading them voraciously.
11. LARRY CHRISPYN
David Rosenfelt is one of my favorite writer. I say this seriously and honestly. David is a much better writer than Hemingway.
Jennifer Williams
12. jwilliams912
I have an older dog that started having a hard time eating his dry kibble. He now has us cooking for him. Chicken, potatoes, vegetables. He eats better than we do! He is a black lab mix, all he really has to do is look at us with his sad brown eyes and he gets his way a lot (invited into the bed, etc.).
Robyn Gleason
13. prwin2000@yahoo.com
I know this is a far from original comment...but I simply ADORE you and Debbie and your dogs. I can picture all the fuzzy, cozy warmth in your house and snuggled up in bed with you guys.The Andy Carpenter series is one of my all time favorites, and when someone asks if I know a good series I always tell them about it. I am REALLY tender hearted so I can't take reading about animal abuse. I'm O.K. with a PERSON getting the crap beat out of them (if they deserve) but just can NOT bear anyone hurting a dog. You have the PERFECT mix in your stories. I LOVE Marcus and when he figures prominently in one of your books I am SO relieved, since he would NEVER let Andy or Laurie get hurt. I am SO excited about Outfoxed.
14. Cris Gzr
My husband had to train our surprise addition (from a pregnant foster) to pee. The three adult Siberians all went out to watch my husband pee on a tree while the Siberian puppy watched. Our alpha male got tired of this frutiless game and started peeing on the puppy. That increased pups learning curve, he soon discovered the many joys of peeing and avoiding getting pee on!
We have a doggy door that leads out to a 40 foot runway, opening into a 100'x75' fenced area... we thought this was the perfect doggy heaven but everyone pees on the flagstones near the door... the yard is apparently for the squirrels... whatever, it's the doggy door leading into a secure area that helps and is winter proof.
15. Nina Perino
Hysterical as always! I am a pet sitter and dog walker in Tampa, FL and I have a few clients that like to linger when it is boiling hot out!
16. Candace Langford
My three oldest dogs passed away the year after I retired, so we got a new Lab puppy as a companion for our eight year old Lab. Since he is used to having us around all the time, he will pound on the door and cry if we even go to the bathroom. If you let him in to stop the noise, he will pull everything out of the wastebasket while you are powerless to stop him. His nickname is Sharknado, and he makes me remember and appreciate how much easier senior dogs are to live with.
Leslie Thistle
17. lht@intermod.net
I have loved your writing for a long time and remember when the first Maine reference appeared I immediately did some research to see where you, Debbie, and the family had landed! So happy it is here in Maine. Looking forward to Outfoxed!!
18. Sue E
Absolutely love Bernie, and am glad you get to take care of him.
Tami Roleff
19. orchids59
The things we do for the love of our dogs.
We had a golden retriever named Cruiser who was diagnosed with lymphoma at 6 1/2 years. He went through chemo. Unlike most dogs, he felt ill from the chemo. There were times he wouldn't eat. I would hand feed him one his food one piece at a time. There were times the only thing he would eat was fig newton cookies and cooked squash. Guess what he ate for three weeks? I didn't care what he ate, as long as he ate. He was always a spoiled dog, but after his diagnosis, he was spoiled even more. Whatever Cruiser wanted, Cruiser got. His last day he spent swimming in our pool, all day long. It was the best day of his life.
I still miss him; he died 6 years ago from the cancer.
20. Cynthia Sanborn
The smart ones slowly take over and control us. Charles Dog now insists on taking his own leash on the trail after we reach the half mile mark. As soon as he has control of the leash, he does an about face and heads for home. No more long walks for us. Charles does not go outside by himself, ever. Like Bernie, he likes cold and wet and lots and lots of snow, especially if his favorite human didn't put her boots on
Mary Ann Brady
21. mirahana
I am owned by Bauer, a Lhasa Apso. He's a genetic throwback so he has a rock 'n roll coat; not that foo foo kind. He has howled back at his echo and just can't figure it out. Too funny.

He had been trained to ring a wind chime when he needed to go out. Needless to say, he's very capable of ringing when he's just bored. We've fallen for that too many times.
Cynthia Sanborn
22. Charliesmom
My dog has outfoxed me too. He's a golden retriever so he has impeccable manners and is never pushy, but if I don't do what he wants, he looks disappointed. A golden who looks disappointed in you can break your heart, so we just do things his way.
23. Susan Lichtblau
Patsy Cline, our 4 year old Golden Retriever, outfoxes us on a daily basis. But her favorite trick, which we always fall for, is ringing to go outside while we are eating...when we get up to let her out, she does an end run back to the table to grab a napkin which is her favorite food....both cloth and paper. And while you didn't ask, we have a very smart grand-cat who covers her food dish with whatever cloth she can find so her canine companion Emma can't get her food....I must admit she is not often successful.
Susan Lichtblau
24. lichtblaus@gmail.com
Patsy Cline, our 4 year old Golden Retriever, outfoxes us on a daily basis. But her favorite trick, which we always fall for, is ringing to go outside while we are eating...when we get up to let her out, she does an end run back to the table to grab a napkin which is her favorite food....both cloth and paper. And while you didn't ask, we have a very smart grand-cat who covers her food dish with whatever cloth she can find so her canine companion Emma can't get her food....I must admit she is not often successful.
Tracee Imai
25. Arf2-D2
That's too funny. I had a husky mix that didn't like to go out in the rain.
I would go out with her and hold an umbrella over her. Since it was awkward to hold two umbrellas, I only took one and only one of us stayed dry. It wasn't me.
:-)
Katherine Barrett
26. starlightwoods
I think every dog my husband and I have owned has "outfoxed" us. I had to marry him to get our first Golden Retriever, Plume, who latched on to my husband on a walk from NH to Nova Scotia while he was in college. Plume definitely showed that he resented my place in Bob's life by ignoring me! A subsequent dog, Susie, a Duck Toller, when told to "pay attention" (i.e. look at you) would close her eyes! One of our current dogs, Bear, an Aussie, will turn his back and totally ignore us if we do something that displeases him. They all have been--and are--wonderful and take a piece of our hearts when they leave and leave us a piece of theirs. They are our kids and what keeps us sane (or insane?)!
Nancy Shepherd
27. 19cwjr
I am dog-sitting with my daughter's 11 year old Corgi, Zoe. She is currently on a very strict diet, and every day, she tries to convince me it's time to eat...an hour before her feeding time, an hour after she has been fed, etc.
Today I was watching her try to snag the guinea pigs' pellets through the bars on their cage. I know she isn't that hungry! Looking for sympathy, perhaps.
Clydia DeFreese
28. clydia
A sad looking, gray colored cat with half an ear missing appeared at our door over a year ago. Since no one else claimed her, we begin to feed her.
Every time we would decide she really needed to be given to the pound, she seemed to recognize our resolve. When we would come outside, she would roll over on her back, and look up at us with a loving expression.
She seldom made a sound, and waited patiently for us to pet her. We truly were outfoxed. She is still with us. We just couldn't part with her.
pearl berger
29. beach
Bogie, my adorable, sweet lapdog mix knows when preparing meals is happening and wants to partake even though his supper was an event before ours. His interest never wanes and sits under the table for treats which seem to fall from the plates.
ellie lewis
30. italia
Guido was the most loving Maltese. He used to dig around jacket and pants pockets looking for kleenex and proceed to chew it up and make a mess. I miss his quirks and his difficulties with cold weather and hot temps.
Laura Shangraw
31. fritterbit
I adopted a beautiful calico cat who had had a rough life. It took a year for her to really trust again but now it's hard to get her out of a lap.
Margaret Smith
32. northbridge
We live on a farm. Cats show up. We start to feed them in the barn and eventually we are trained to let them in the house where they take up residence and spend quality time on our bed purring in our ear.
Darlene Slocum
33. darandsam
Your dog is hilarious! I don't have a proper place for a dog to play and won't keep one only in the house. It wouldn't be fair to it. My three cats are inside/outside and they are always pulling tricks on me. Life would be so dull without our furry friends.
Judi Purcell
34. Gizkok
Reminds me so much of my Sunny, a sheltie. She too sometimes decides she won't jump on the bed - I swear she makes bets with the kitties. Then there was her leaking problem, but that was solved with hormone pills. Seeing the couches covered with old sheets or whatever - looks just like my house. Love all the Andy Carpenter books. And the others too!
35. Leslie Keys
My dogs work together to keep me unhinged. To keep me from sleeping they take turns either barking at things going bump in the night, (that would be Castle), rythmatically squeeking a rubber space alien (that would be Wigeon), leaping onto the bed to plop herself down as gently as a sack of potatoes on my stomach only to realize she's too hot moments later and leap off again, (that's Echo), suddenly realizing that the small timid cat has taken the liberty of existing and scrambling across hardwood floors at top speed after her till she gains the safety of an 8 inch cardboard tunnel that runs the length of the living room, (Alaska) or periodically snoring, sighing, grumbling, or other such noise with a remarkable likeness to a dying cow. (Hudson always has something to say, even when asleep)
36. Labmom
Our current lab has to have things his way. Water must be fresh. He will only drink out of his bowl whe. He sees we have changed the water. After breakfast, we go out on our deck and he waits for me to put down his bed before he will lie down. and walks? We go where he wants, when he wants and only as long as he wants.
Leslie Keys
37. keysown@yahoo.com
My dogs work together to keep me unhinged. To keep me from sleeping they take turns either barking at things going bump in the night, (that would be Castle), rythmatically squeeking a rubber space alien (that would be Wigeon), leaping onto the bed to plop herself down as gently as a sack of potatoes on my stomach only to realize she's too hot moments later and leap off again, (that's Echo), suddenly realizing that the small timid cat has taken the liberty of existing and scrambling across hardwood floors at top speed after her till she gains the safety of an 8 inch cardboard tunnel that runs the length of the living room, (Alaska) or periodically snoring, sighing, grumbling, or other such noise with a remarkable likeness to a dying cow. (Hudson always has something to say, even when asleep) I posted this before I logged in so now I am posting all leagal. and stuff.
Heidi Littman
38. hlittman2@gmail.com
My two dogs also want to go on a walk around my street at least 4-5 times a day and if they don't get this....they too get pissed off (so to speak). I think the reason for this is that they want the other dogs and animals in my area to know that this is THEIR home. It's their way of claiming their territory (I am also part of their territory, they want the other dogs to see that they got a walk, and they do, I hear them barking as we go by!) That is your answer. Even if it is the neighborhood deer, they say it with urine!
Janice Gard
40. bookwoman617
Our German Shepherd, Reagan, certainly outfoxed me! I walked him a short distance up the street. He did his business. I looped the leash over my left hand while attending to clean up duty. Unfortunately a man came down the street on a bike. Before I could turn around and grab the leash with both hands, Reagan decided to take off after the biker. I got pulled down and broke my wrist! Two months in a fracture brace and another month of stiffness and limited usage. I do love my dog, though!
41. Judy Deflin Weller
My cocker spaniel Jacey, who went to the Rainbow Bridge 1 June, was a bit like that in his own way. He had to be fed by hand, two meals a day, while sitting on the couch, with the two doxies sitting on the floor in the "nosh" pit, awaiting his crumbs, which he spat at them frequently. During his last few months, in an effort to keep up his weight, I fed him 3X/day--at midnight he got strawberry applesauce and French vanilla ice cream by spoon. Yes, he was sick all of his life, but let's face it, we ALL know that cocker spaniels are vastly superior to all other forms of canines, and he had to make sure that they knew it! Miss you, my sweet boy! :'(
Barbara Thuma
42. Lolaradha
The dog who "outfoxed" people, doors, and even a chain and padlock was my first German shepherd, Radha. At three months old, she got out of a closed crate, only to scatter laundry around the downstairs of our house and then run and hide upstairs when she heard me come home from work. When she was nine months old and I was 50, I joined the Foreign Service and we headed to Saudi Arabia. Shortly after we got there, she got out of our closed house and came to the Consulate where I was working. She made many such escapes, generally to get to where I was. After a few years of this, we flew to the Dominican Republic from Miami, a fairly short flight. Knowing her capabilities, I chained and padlocked her crate to keep her in it. When we arrived at the airport, an official came to get me. I had to ride up in the air on a hydraulic lift to go in the baggage area of a big Airbus because the baggage handlers were "afraid of her." I was fairly shocked to see her standing on top of all the luggage, her crate pulled apart and the chain and padlock hanging to the side. She was one of a kind, and I miss her to this day.
Jean Brady
43. JbradyBostonGirl
Our sweet Seamus, a beagle/basset mix who looked like a purebred beagle, (We knew his parents, and dad Roscoe had a beagle head and basset body) crossed the rainbow bridge 6/6/16. From the time he was a puppy, he always outfoxed us. He quickly learned to use the bell we hung on the door for potty training to get our attention for anything he wanted by ringing it with increasing intensity until we responded. Even as his health was rapidly declining and he became increasingly picky about what he would eat or drink, he played us. In our eagerness to have him eat, we tried everything. So when he devoured the doggy-bagged $50 steak from the Capitol Grille, we rushed out for more steak. Well, $6.99 steak from Shaws just didn't make the grade. He also started refusing to drink water from his bowl unless it was fresh. This often meant dumping the entire bowl and refilling. One morning I tried emptying some of the water and topping it off with fresh. He sniffed the water and tilted his head to look up at me as if to say, "Do you think I'm stupid?" Down the drain went all the water, I refilled with fresh (filtered as always) and he drank with relish. We miss him terribly and love how well our baby-boo Seamus trained us.
Stacy Fuchs
44. sfuchsdvm@gmail.com
Freckles is a skilled Johnny knock knock player. She loves to peek into the living room through the front porch window and knock on the window while making eye contact. Her eyes are so imploring; please I must come in, now! Then, she is nowhere to be found when the front door is opened to let her in. But, she is knocking (scratching) at the back door! She watches to see that you have heard only to be waiting at the front door while you gaze at the empty back porch. This is all part of the greater inside-outside game which, I am convinced, is designed to motivate myself to unplug from the laptop and get some exercise. Ha!
ps The entire property is enclosed in a 6 foot fence. No free-roaming dogs here!
45. Karen Cheney
Bernie told me that in order to make him happy, which you know is your main function in his life, that you should pick me as the winner of your newest book which was named after him; in theory at least!
Thanks Bernie!!!
Anita Norton
46. Ahnorton
The "up in the bed" routine sounds very familiar. But at least mine only weighs 30 pounds! Can't wait for "Outfoxed"!
Karen Cheney
47. kcheney106@comcast.net
Bernie told me that in order to make him happy, which you know is your main function in his life, that you should pick me as the winner of your newest book which was named after him; in theory at least! Thanks Bernie!!!
48. Melanie Drescher
We love our two Goldens, Bernie sounds like he could teach them a few new tricks. We love all your Andy Carpenter books + Dogtripping & Lessons From Tara. Can't wait for Outfoxed, it is going to be great as will be the Tweleve Dogs of Christmas! Your work with the Tara Foundation is awesome, you and
Lisa Thomason
49. Lisa0557
Rosie is my Great Dane who feeds my Shih Tzu, Hagrid: as Rosie is eating, she lets food fall out of her mouth, and Hagrid eats it. Occasionally he'll be need more than she's left for him, and he'll sit under her bowl and bark (of course he has a bowl of his own "small bites" 2 feet away). Hagrid will refuse the food if I so much as put a paper plate down - it MUST be on the floor!! The personalities these guys have, and what we put up with! Rosie doesn't have to be lifted onto the bed, but she lingers in the living room until lights are out and I'm nearly asleep before she comes in to claim her spot. We are played, dear man, like the proverbial fiddle!!
50. Judy Hale
Pick me Bernie ... Pick me ... My husband, Bernie, picked me five years ago and now we are married and in our late 70's ... Bernie, my husband, had never had a dog (or even a cat) ... Now he is owned and adored by Skoshee (big bad 75# mix), Beauregard (big 125# Pyr) and kitty-kat Princess (pure white Princess) ... Adore your family and your books (whoops), I mean I adore your BOOKS and your family ... Pick me Bernie ... Pick me ...
51. Alana Morgan
Cast of Characters:

KiKi-D ~ Long hair Chihuahua
Jack ~ Yellow Lab
Bella ~ Short hair Chihuahua

As we readied to go out for the evening it occurs to us that KiKi-D is missing. As we live in a type of country town where coyotes make hors d'oeuvres out of bigger game we are distraught and start with full house search, creating posters, drive surrounding neighborhoods calling her name!

We return home fully dismayed and saddened. Coyotes howling and no KiKi-D in sight.

My husband sits in his favorite recliner, lifts the foot rest and out pops KiKi-D!!! Mind you we've been calling/shouting her name....not a peep. Jack and Bella search our faces as if to say 'you only had to ask us and we would have told you she was hiding'!!!

LOVE your Andy Carpenter books, all your book actually and of course your heart for animals!!!
52. hexe17
I have a border collie named Sweenie, who is very intellegent, but extremely stubborn, regarding things she doesn't want to do. Such as walking at heel and bringing back things. Well the bringing back I can understand, as she is a herding dog, who has to guard the things. We have endless discussions on it and sometimes if I'm lucky she tosses the ball with her nose in my direction, with disgust and many words of anger. Walking is something different. she has never done a slow step in her life. she always has to be "in front" of everything. We love going to doggieschool and do so since 4 years. And once she steps tthrough the gate there, she does everything as she should. So she knows exactly, what I'm talking about. Saturday from 9-10 she walks nicely......brute. there's one funny story to that......we are austrians and as she is always pulling me behind her, I say "langsam"....the word for "slow", quite often, in differing tones. Once I met scottish friends at a place in upper austria, I had just arrives and was walking Sweenie after a long drive....or rather SHE was walking ME.....when I met Eddie in the dark. When the hugging and kissing was over, he said.....OH! You brought "LANGSAM" with you :-)
So she probably thinks, that's her name and simply doesn't like it :-)

xxx Susi
Susanne Wieger
53. hexe17
I have a border collie named Sweenie, who is very intellegent, but extremely stubborn, regarding things she doesn't want to do. Such as walking at heel and bringing back things. Well the bringing back I can understand, as she is a herding dog, who has to guard the things. We have endless discussions on it and sometimes if I'm lucky she tosses the ball with her nose in my direction, with disgust and many words of anger. Walking is something different. she has never done a slow step in her life. she always has to be "in front" of everything. We love going to doggieschool and do so since 4 years. And once she steps tthrough the gate there, she does everything as she should. So she knows exactly, what I'm talking about. Saturday from 9-10 she walks nicely......brute. there's one funny story to that......we are austrians and as she is always pulling me behind her, I say "langsam"....the word for "slow", quite often, in differing tones. Once I met scottish friends at a place in upper austria, I had just arrives and was walking Sweenie after a long drive....or rather SHE was walking ME.....when I met Eddie in the dark. When the hugging and kissing was over, he said.....OH! You brought "LANGSAM" with you :-) So she probably thinks, that's her name and simply doesn't like it :-) xxx Susi
Brenda Nuffer
54. brlynuffer@yahoo.com
My companions are a tuxedo cat & calico cat now. My dog companions are always in my heart & mind. Dogs are your best friends. My cats seem to be whispering all the time! I do love the knuckleheads though!

Brenda
Jorjann Kuypers
55. Jorjann
Many years ago I had female dogs, Annie the beagle and Zoee, the Jack Russell. Annie and Zoee were not the best of friends but they had an understanding between themselves, particularly when it came to who got to sleep on our bed - - - whoever got there first, thereby claiming the territory for the night. The other dog would silently and dejectedly take her position UNDER the bed. One night, my husband was out of town. Annie, the beagle was king of the mountian that night ---- but Zoee, for some reason laid down on the floor beside the bed instead of under it. OK, I thought, no big deal --- all is well. Everyone fell asleep quietly until about 10 minutes later when Zoee had decided that there was enough room on the bed for her too. She jumped up on my husband's empty side of the bed, but Annie wouldn't have any of it. A huge fight ensued, both dogs going at each other viciously. It ususally took both my husband and me to separate these girls, but I was alone. I was finally able to separate them, but not before there was blood splatter all over the room - the furniture, the carpet, the bed, the walls. It looked like a murder scene. My heart racing, dogs separated, I was on my hands and knees with cold water and seltzer, scrubbing all the blood from everywhere. I guess it gave the dogs time to cool off as well. After everything was cleaned, I cautiously put Annie back on top of the bed, and Zoee slid under. Whew --- another repeat catastrophe averted. My heart was still pounding, terrified they would do it again. After about 20 minutes I felt myself calming down, enough to fall into a shallow sleep. All of a sudden, Zoee bolted from under the bed, ran to the door barking ferociously, Annie followed and chimed in, of course, I did too, because, hell --- there must be something amazing outside. She ran through the living room, dining room, kitchen, and to the back door with Annie and me in hot pursuit. I opened the back door. Zoee made a fake run out, Annie flew by her out into the night to be the first to scare away the fake possum (or whatever Zoee had dreamed up). Zoee did a u-turn just as she bolted out, flew back through the house and jumped on our bed. Annie was de-throned that night. I've never forgotten the incredible thought process that went on in Zoee's mind that night. She was the sweetest, most devoted and loving dog we've ever had. Oh, and also the smartest by far.
Virginia Rehberg
56. vrehberg
My Buddy is a gentleman(dog) of 14 years, come August. He came into my life a month after my husband died. He had lived in two different places before he arrived in his forever home. He was an 18 month old lab and had been abused by at least one of his former owners. I soon learned that he was, without a doubt, the smartest dog I had ever had. He has me well trained. He rises with the sun and I know it is useless to try and convince him to let me sleep just a few more minutes. He is happy being in the same room with me, but when it is time for him to go to bed, in he goes to his big Orvis bed. After all, he has to get to bed early, he needs his sleep, since he is getting up at sunrise!
Susan Craig
57. twinreader
Once when we had company our German Shephard started barking and barking at the basket of dinner rolls.My Mom thought the steam rising off the basket was making him nervous. She pulled the towel off the bowl and showed him that it was just dinner rolls. He immediately grabbed 4 in his mouth and ran off with them.
Toni Gould
58. Boudicca
Despite not being a Berner (or even a dog), my Maine Coon, Timmy, has instituted some of the same rules as Bernie, including the food-on-the-floor rule and the dead-lift-me-onto-the-bed rule. He also recently enacted a master stroke of compromise legislation, the sleep-mostly-on-the-pillow-but-also-a-little-bit-on-your-head rule.
Patty Homer
59. puppypro
So funny. Bernie is such a good human trainer! I will absoltely not read this post out loud to my dogs or leave my computer open so they can read it theselves and get any tips.
Kathleen Bottone
60. nellyboo
Years ago, I had adopted my first dog, Nelly, a rottie mix. We started walking in a nearby park every afternoon, and were soon a part of the "4:00 crowd", which was a group of owners who stood around chatting while the dogs chased each other into the nearby pond or begged us for treats. The dog mayor of the gang was a handsome Bernese named, you guessed it, Bernie. Bernie spent his time begging treats and sitting on his favorite people's feet to keep them warm. (It gets pretty cold in the winter in New Jersey!) If you wanted to get your foot back, there had to be a price. At first it was a treat, but as Bernie got larger and treats were restricted, he settled for some head scratches and conversation.
Both Nelly and Bernie passed away too soon...she was 6 when she died from lymphoma and Bernie passed away around the same time due to complications from his large size. I now have my Boo, adopted from Georgia, a jindo/australian cattle dog mix. I run into Bernie's family still and they have another Bernese, a lovely, petite girl named Abigail. At the park we now go to, there are several Bernese who show up regularly. None of them are named Bernie, which is fitting,since he was truly one of a kind.
Tracy Dulock
61. TracyD
My late Chocolate Lab, "EZ", was one of the smartest dogs I've ever known. I often swore she could cure cancer if I only knew how to tell her there was an unlimited variety of her favorite foods for doing so. Notice I didn't say "most trainable"--that honor went to her Golden Retriever brother, "Ranger", who made me look like the world's best dog trainer. Apparently EZ's job was to keep me humble.

EZ was the passive dog in our household, which meant she had to use her wiles to trick Ranger into dropping a toy or food that she wanted. No problem--she'd just cozy up to me long enough to make him jealous. Once he got distracted and turned his back on the coveted item, EZ was away from me like a shot, scooping up the prize and running off to enjoy her ill-gotten gain, keeping her mouth and both paws on it so Ranger wouldn't try stealing it back.

I should've been offended, but she was so honest and matter of fact about it, I couldn't help but forgive her.

Stealthy counter surfing, i.e. pizza out of boxes, was a warm up drill. Once I walked in from the next room and discovered 2/3rds of a cake I had left on the stove to cool (in a 9x13 pan) had been silently sheared off in a surprising straight line that clearly marked the edge of her reach. Never heard a thing and the pan hadn't moved an inch. The girl had skills.

But my favorite antic was the time EZ's smarts backfired on her. I was working at a friend's house and EZ and Ranger had come with me to have a doggie play date with her two dogs. We put them all out in her fenced backyard and sat at her kitchen table to start plowing through a stack of documents. Two lucky things: 1) the table faced the front door; and 2) the door had a huge decorative glass insert. After about 30 minutes we happened to look up to see dog silhouettes sitting on the front porch. Alas there were only two--my retrievers were AWOL. In a panic we started driving around the neighborhood to search for them.

Thankfully I soon got a phone call from a few blocks away saying my dogs had been found. Here is the story we pieced together:

My friend had just rebuilt a portion of her backyard fence and there was a loose board. We think EZ found it and pushed out, causing Ranger and the other two dogs to follow. EZ and Ranger wandered a few blocks and EZ somehow found another loose board--what are the odds??!--in another fence that happened to push inward, so of course she went in with her brother on her heels.

By another miracle the homeowner was pulling into his drive, home for lunch, when he saw a Chocolate Lab breaking and entering, followed by a Golden. He ran through the house to his backyard just in time to grab his very startled pit bull. The pit was facing off with Ranger, who is normally docile, but like all good Goldens was ready to protect his pack member in her time of need, despite her silliness.

That afternoon perfectly summarized EZ's life...a lot of skating close to the edge, but somehow everything turned out just fine in the end. My rebel caused me a lot of hair pulling, but I couldn't help but love her for it.

I think it takes a special dog to not only break out of one yard, but figure out how to break into another. Kinda defeats the point, but maybe it all depends on what the point is--for all I know she was doing exactly what the universe intended. She lived many more long, healthy and antic-filled years until we lost her at 14.5 years to a fast moving cancer.

Life is a lot quieter and much more boring here on earth, but I take comfort knowing she's at the Rainbow Bridge, charming the angels with her naughty but impressive shenanigans. Until we meet again, my EZ-breezy-beautiful...until we meet again.
Char Roadway
62. Shaysbutt1
Love the story! Bernie sounds like quite a character! Our chihuahua, Shay, had us wrapped around her little paw from Day 1. We went to look at her and as soon as I picked her up we knew she was going home with us. She was "mostly" trained. When she was a pup, my husband had spotted a turd in our master bath, beside the toilet (at least she had the idea, right?). He told me Shay crapped in the bathroom. He's the spotter, I'm the cleaner-upper. I went in there, looked around and said no she didn't. He said its right there beside the toilet! I looked again and said, there's nothing here. So he came and looked, there WAS nothing there. A couple of weeks later he was looking for something he had stored under our bed. He came upon a stash of chihuahua turds, stacked up like logs for the fireplace. The little stinker was going in the house, then picking it up and hiding it under the bed. She was not able to jump up onto the couch or the bed, too high for her. And her favorite place during the day was between us on the couch. She would stand and stare at us. If that didn't do it, she would make a little woofing sound. If that still didn't do it, she would start dancing in place. So finally one of us would pick her up. Ten minutes later, back down again and the process begins all over again. One of the nicknames we had for her was 7Up(and down). We moved into an apartment and the fridge made an odd clunk every once in a while. About a year ago she decided that fridge was something terribly scary. She had to pass it to get to the water bowl in the bathroom. So every time she wanted a drink she would, from farther away so we didn't confuse it with I want up on the couch, go into her woofing and dancing routine until one of us got up. Go into the kitchen, turn on the light, and stand by the fridge. She would then come into the kitchen, stop and get her courage up, and book it into the bathroom fast as she could. The little toenails going ticky ticky tick. Once she was in there, she was fine. So we would shut off the light, sit back down, and she got her drink and walked out just like normal. She was the most laid back dog I ever had. None of the ankle biting yap yaps that chihuahuas have a bad rap for. We lost her in December 2015 and miss her every day.
Adrienne Donze
63. donze@charter.net
Learned about Andy Carpenter in 2014 and have read all the books in the series through UNLEASHED. Love your sense of humor and real understanding of people...and dogs! Even though there is mystery and mayhem in your books, there's also a gentleness that is quite
disarming. I'm a happily married woman with 11 grandkids...but I think I have a crush on you!! Thanks for wonderful hours of great reading and for all you do for your four legged friends! Adrienne in Minnesota :-)
64. Penne
My Sisters chocolate lab, Gunner was crazy for chasing his ball on our walks on the beach.But he had a favorite ball and no other ball but that ball .One morning I arrived to meet Sis and Gunner at the beach for our walk and my sister explained she was a little late because she had been looking for Gunners ball but never found it andhad to bring a replacement .
We started our walk, my sister throwwing the ball way ahead of us for gunner to chase and bring back.But instead of bring back his ball he kept taking it up in the rocks and dumping it and coming back minus his ball. each time my sister would tell him to go get gi ball. So off he would go begrugingly , and bring it back.
After out walk we each got in our cars and I was following my sister ,in my car, back to her house when I noticed Gunner put his head out the passenger side window where he was sitting, with his ball in his mouth and drop the ball out the window into traffic !
I was laughing to myself so hard at his very ingenious and determination to ditch that ball !
Gunner has since passed on , But that is till one of my many favoritememories of him to this day.
Caryn Karalis
65. cnmik
I have a 125 lb golden mix. Just like Bernie, he sleeps on my bed with me and my 3 cats. I have to put at least 4 milk bones on the bed for him at night. But that's not enough. After I get in bed, I have to give him 4-5 small treats, by hand, one at a time. If I don't do this, he starts jumping (all 125 lbs of him) on me and the cats. It's bad enough that I have little slivers of painful milk bones all over my sheets, even if I change them daily. But you don't want a dog this size jumping on you in bed.
This one is a puppy picture
Mickey Koziol
66. summerlin
My catahoula rescue Summerlin was given her name by her foster mom, and there was no messing with history. Foster Mom in Illinois looked up names of people in the town her wards came from in Georgia. Summerlin and her puppies are all now transplants and happy in furever homes.
Day one, well the first day was when I went for a rescue I saw on line and another sat on the floor with me. We belonged to each other. Back to day one at home when I didn't understand the concept of prey driven. Squirrel. No dog, just a leash with a collar complete with broken clasp. Senior citizen running after red catahoula leopard dog loses sight of dog. Heartbreak. Tears. Child approaches, "Are you alright?" I explained my dilema and pleaded him to let me knowi f he found her. He pointed behind me and with a quiet smirk said, "You mean that one." How easy a few minutes had felt like a decade.
Only other escape was as I lay flat on the ground and Summerlin gallavanted after geese. Geez
Idiosyncracies? Food has to have three varieties and one must be pork, peerhaps because catahoula's hunt wild hogs. Good thing they aren't prevalent in Illinois or I'd be wallowing in thicket. Did I mention she must go in the car with me and the car should go to the dog park or Grampas.
Sue Huhn
67. wiscdance@yahoo.com
We love David Rosenfelt and Andy Carpenter. We can't wait for "Outfoxed" to be availalble.
pj colgate
68. Elloise
Looking forward to the new Andy Carpenter series book. Our whole family enjoys them.
wendy adams lockcuff
69. saywen
Looking Foward To Being " Outfoxed"
Jeane Campbell
71. jcamp2020
OMG.. just in time for a summer read! Can't wait. Put me with this book, on the deck with a cold drink! Bliss!
Denise Sachs
72. lazybones344
I'd love to read this. I've never heard of it before.
73. susan1215
We have a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel named Daisy who is so spoiled. She lays next to us on our couch and sleeps in our bed at night.
74. Adrianna Tumey
I had a dog named Spaz who used to outfox himself! He used to growl and nip at his own reflection and when he finally felt like he taught "the other dog" a lesson he'd prance off looking extra proud of himself!
Keirra Karshner
75. KeirraKay
I felt like I just read a story about my life! My Lab/Newfie/Bernese mix made the decision she will no longer eat dog food that doesn't have something else in it (canned food, veggies, broth, etc...). If I just pour her dry food, she just stares at me and refuses to eat it! She won't touch it until something more up to her standards goes into her bowl. Miss Bailey is too much royalty for plain ol' dog food!
Sandy Klocinski
76. attea2d
Thank you! I don't have any dogs now, but I have owned several. Dogs make us more human
Trish Aquilino
77. azdogmama@gmail.com
I do believe Bernie IS punishing you for the uninspired moniker...! Really Bernie? That's it? :)
Deb Philippon
78. DebP
I don't have a dog here in the city, but I'm looking forward to moving to the country. I'd love to have a couple of large dogs to take walks with. It's something I really miss.
kandance palmer
80. julychild97420
my dog buster tells me when its time to go to bed he sleeps with me and if i dont he sits by my feet and glares till i go to bed.LOL
82. KateH
I can't remember who originally pointed this out, but humans have had to start admitting that we aren't the only beings that use tools - and dogs are the ULTIMATE tool users, in that they have figured out ways to use HUMANS as tools to accomplish so many things for themselves! 'Outfoxed' is just one nice way to put it - and I can't wait to read your newest Andy Carpenter book to see how the dog(s) outfox Andy and how Andy will outfox the bad guys!
83. KateH
I can't remember who originally pointed this out, but humans have had to start admitting that we aren't the only beings that use tools - and
dogs are the ULTIMATE tool users, in that they have figured out ways touse HUMANS as tools to accomplish so many things for themselves!
'Outfoxed' is just one nice way to put it - and I can't wait to read
your newest Andy Carpenter book to see how the dog(s) outfox Andy andhow Andy will outfox the bad guys!
Kate Hathway
84. KateH
Sorry if this gets posted a couple times - I forgot about logging in & forgot my password! I want to be included in the drawing, please!

I can't remember who originally pointed this out, but humans have had to start admitting that we aren't the only beings that use tools - and
dogs are the ULTIMATE tool users, in that they have figured out ways to use HUMANS as tools to accomplish so many things for themselves!
'Outfoxed' is just one nice way to put it - and I can't wait to read
your newest Andy Carpenter book to see how the dog(s) outfox Andy andhow Andy will outfox the bad guys!
Richard Hicks
85. gmrichhicks
As a dog lover I cant wait to read this!
JULES M.
86. buttmuffin
i love doggies too. sounds like a good read :)
Rina Horenian
87. RDgirl
Love doggies and would love to win this!
Kimberly Hilbert
89. asketcher2
Love the dog pics! Sounds like a good read, too.
Terry Hodges
90. FAIRMONT179
I love dogs and have a Black Lab named Misty. I love reading David Rosenfelt's books and this one sounds just as interesting.
Jean Dickinson
91. justjean
My 3-legged border collie "Bandit" knows how to open doors, both the house door out to the "run" and the car windows. I'd love to read #DavidRosenfelt's books to her!!
JAMES LYNAM
93. jpl123456
DOG loves to open the refrigeration &
steal food. Getting chubby.
Hope I WIN!!!!!
Ed Nemmers
94. saturdaynightfever
I would like to read the work of David Rosenfelt.
Philip Lawrence
97. Pooch
I love dogs so I'm sure I'd like this book.
Betty Curran
98. willitara
I am really looking forward to reading this book. I have a soft spot for stories with dogs and cats as significant characters.
99. majorpj2
Al of his books are great. This should not be an exception.
Jerry Marquardt
100. versatileer
I would love to thank you so much for featuring the Conniving Canines: Outfoxed by Man’s Best Friend by David Rosenfelt giveaway. I would like to read it very soon.
Buddy Garrett
101. garrettsambo
Rocky our Chihuahua tries to outfox us everyday. I think he thinks that chihuahuas are superiot to evrything else but he is so loving that we melt toward him.
Lily Kwan
102. lilyk
I don't have any stories of conspirational pets.
Jaime Cummings
103. remembering.lucy
I love dogs. We have three, including a boston terrier puppy!
104. jill190
I lost my Bernese Mountian Dog two years ago. She had 8 years of simple fun and joy by my feet. Nirvana Cookie was taken by cancer. I miss her everyday. I am glad I pick her to be in my live. The breed is such a great dog. It might take her a couple second to understand you, but she just wanted to please you. Anyone who has a chance to own this breed they are a joy, and big fur baby.
Angie Pontanini
105. angela67p
Oh Bernie :D I have personally known, and lived with, a couple of dogs just like you. hahaaaa
Tim Moss
106. Yupbucket
Our dog's toys get missing & we can't always find them. Then they show back up. Go figure.
108. martin
Love dogs and love the books. Can't wait for the new one!
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