Bill Murray and the Wu-Tang Clan: The Perfect Crime

At this point, we all know Martin Shkreli as the price-hiking, pharmaceutical bad-boy that recently acquired the drug Daraprim (pyrimethamine)—a drug used to treat AIDS patients—and hiked the price up 5,500% from $13.50 a tablet to $750.

But few know Shkreli, who grew up in Brooklyn, NY, as the owner of the one of a kind, new Wu-Tang Clan album, Once Upon a Time in Shaolin. Shkreli recently purchased the only copy in existence for a mere $2 million—chump change, right?

But there’s a catch: there is apparently a clause in the contract of sale that states that any current member of the Wu-Tang Clan or Bill Murray can, without legal ramifications, steal the album back and gain full ownership. Is it possible to love Bill Murray or the RZA, the GZA, Ol’ Dirty, Inspectah Deck—The Wu-Tang Clan anymore?

Unfortunately, the tweet that went viral revealing this unbelievable clause was just that—unbelievable. While the clause may be fake, that hasn’t stopped the world from dreaming. From reality show ideas, to open letters—we all seem to want this perfectly karmic form of retribution to come to fruition in a way that only a Murray led Clan of Wu and Tang could achieve.

So without further ado, allow me to enter my fantasy scenario into the digital abyss to be consumed and forgotten all too soon, but that might—just might—inspire a young Steven Soderbergh out there to make this happen.

Staten Island’s 11: The Proposed Crime of the Century

RZA – The Leader: Clearly the master of the heist, Prince Rakeem’s slick, cool under pressure, and always knows what to do and say. Plus, he can organize a hell of a team.

Bill Murray – The Right-Hand Man: Murray is erratic, often seen drinking, but his connections could only help. Plus, who would turn down an opportunity to be a part of one of The Murricane’s antics of legend?

Method Man – The Pickpocket: Methodical in his approach, Johnny Blaze will straight steal your Cheese.

Inspectah Deck – Munitions Expert: Rollie Fingers is always spitting hot fire and dropping bombs.

GZA – Advisor: As the oldest of the group, The Genius is deliberate and laid-back. He has seen it all and has grown wise because of it.

Ol’ Dirty Bastard – The Inside Man: Eccentric and unpredictable, Dirt McGirt always knows how to get what he wants.

Ghostface Killah – Greaseman: Tony Starks can get you in anywhere…he’s a GHOST!

Raekwon – Tech Specialist: Raekwon’s aggressive, but The Chef can cook code into crack…or crack the code—something like that.

Masta Killa – Driver and Leg-Man: Aggressive and with a criminal record, Noodles has a Killa mentality and isn’t afraid to do whatever it takes to get it done.

U-God – Driver: Calm and confident, Golden Arms is a direct contrast to his partner Masta Killa.

Cappadonna – Master of Disguise: Known for his colorful wardrobe, Cappachino impersonates several characters to distract attention.

And wouldn’t Martin Shkreli be the perfect villain?

What I wouldn’t do for this to be a real thing. Hell, RZA’s taken a stab at writing, directing, and acting with 2012’s The Man with the Iron Fists—plus, I know where he could get $2 million to fund it.


Adam Wagner is an editor and writer for Criminal Element. Originally from Jacksonville, FL, Adam now lives in NYC where his hobbies include writing and performing stand-up and sketch comedy. Follow him on Twitter @shagner904

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