It will not have escaped the notice of intrepid crime fans that a turkey is roughly the weight of a regulation bowling ball and that the frozen ones get slippery. Thus, frozen turkey bowling. If you haven’t seen it in action, Eat Me Daily has a selection of the 9 best turkey bowling videos, from which we snatched this one below from Idaho, an “illegal tournament,” which puts it right up our alley, ahem.
But what if you don’t want merely a vicarious thrill? What if you don’t feel like fizzing up all your Fanta? What if you’re already too full to heave a frozen turkey anywhere, or you know there has to be a better way to tenderize a bird? (What if your sweet Aunt Fanny owns the store and has to do all the clean-up on aisle 9, you ingrate?!) Well, there’s a low-toil answer that, in our tragic experience, is just as addictive, though it doesn’t build your biceps or earn you a smack to the head.
Please glut yourself upon WFTV’s online frozen turkey bowling game, but don’t mess with our high score or we’ll take you out with a roasting fork.
Happy Thanksgiving from all of us at Criminal Element!