After making it through his home's back gate, 17 year-old Spike sped as fast as he could to escape, but two hours later, he was only half a mile away, according to the Metro.
To be fair to Spike, when young Aston made her getaway last year, it took her five days to get that far, so this could be a new land-speed record.
If life sucks as a teenager, it's even tougher to feel good about yourself as a runaway tortoise.