Fri
Jul 15 2011 9:00am

10 Signs You’re a Crime Fan

10 Signs You’re a Crime Fiction Fanatic

Some people might call you paranoid.  But you know that the world—even your own kitchen—is full of potential dangers that might inspire someone to a grisly criminal act. Or maybe you just read a lot of crime fiction.

Here are ten signs that you might be a crime fanatic:

Judith Holofernes10) You can’t drive by a storage facility without wondering how many of the units contain dead bodies.

 

9) You flip on a light switch in a dark room, and, when it doesn’t work, you assume that someone has cut the power and is waiting for you in the dark. With a machete. Or a gun.

 

8) You can’t look at a duffel bag without wondering how many heads could fit inside.

 

7) You look at a grapefruit spoon and think, “shiv!”

 

6) You close all of your curtains at night because you know someone is out there, watching you.

 

5) You turn on both the television and radio whenever you leave the house, and tell everyone it’s so the dog will be entertained. But you don’t have a dog.

 

4) You refuse to tell anyone else in your family the alarm code, saying they’ll get the info on a need-to-know basis, only.

 

3) You never leave a sharp knife (cast iron pan, hammer, BBQ fork, pointy walking stick) lying about, lest it lead someone to a crime of opportunity. (Ditto for plastic dry cleaning bags.)

 

2) You refuse to live in a house with a basement. (For obvious reasons.)

 

1)You think it would be awesome to name your dog Asta, and your kids Nick and Nora, until your spouse reminds you that Nick and Nora Charles were actually married.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Images via Face Time with Sharon, Early Modern Women, Garden of Eating, fyeahwrinklydogs, Hey! Hey!Tweak Today


Laura Benedict is the author of the supernatural thrillers Isabella Moon and Calling Mr. Lonely Hearts. She has a particularly dysfunctional relationship with plastic dry cleaning  bags. You can visit her at www.laurabenedict.com, or at her blog, Notes from the Handbasket.

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3 comments
Elyse Dinh-McCrillis
1. Pop Culture Nerd
Uh oh, half of these are true for me. I draw the shades before sitting on my couch in front of the window so snipers can't get a good shot.
2. L Benedict
Can't believe I didn't have that one on the list--what a great addition!
3. Mary Quite Contrary
I give a false name\address\telephone number when asked for this info by a sales clerk. If I'm getting a take out pizza why do they need to know this? Clearly they plan to visit me late at night, kill me viciously, then eat the remaining slices while relaxing at my dinner table. Doesn't everyone do this?
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