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Crime HQ
Showing posts by: Teddy Pierson click to see Teddy Pierson's profile
Fri
May 19 2017 11:03am

Shoplifter Falls Short After Robbery

Having a good getaway plan is one of the cornerstones of any good heist. Sadly, this week’s perp derp stumbled at this task in a spectacular fail.

According to NY Daily News, a woman who tried to flee from a Walmart in Canada with a shopping cart full of loot tripped herself up by face-planting into the pavement while being chased. After the fall, she quickly brushed herself off and hightailed it out of there ... without the goods or her dignity.

Police are now on the lookout for her, but they are confident they will catch the clumsy crook. The local police tweeted the fall with the hope that the someone can help track her down—and obviously for the laughs. Enjoy!

Fri
May 12 2017 11:01am

Fraud Case Leaves Woman Smacking Her Own Head

Imagine you are at work, minding your own business, when all of a sudden a metal sprinkler head falls on your desk. What do you do? Most people would thank whatever god they believed in that it did not land on their head. But for one perp derp, she chose to smack herself on the noggin with it.

According to a report by Fox 13, Sheyla White was convicted of fraud after she smacked herself in the head with a fallen sprinkler from her office ceiling and tried to use the injury to collect worker’s compensation.

Her plan almost worked, but a video emerged showing her whacking the sprinkler on her head after it fell onto her desk from above.

She was sentenced to 18 months of probation. Check out the video below!

Fri
May 5 2017 11:04am

Flower Thief Steals from Cemetery

Criminals are considered bad people, but some go beyond that label and enter the realm of down-right sleazy losers. 

According to NJ.com, a florist has been caught stealing flowers from a cemetery in the dead of night. Riverdale, NJ, resident Lynda S. Wingate was caught removing plants from graves and tombstones and gently placing them in the back of her minivan. Little did she know, hidden cameras were installed earlier due to complaints about flowers gone missing over night.

After the police reviewed the utterly disgraceful footage, Wingate was arrested and charged with theft of moveable property.

Sadly for me, this perp derp hails from the area where I grew up. So this story makes me shake my fist angrily on a few levels. And get this! Before Wingate got into stealing dead people's flowers under the pale moonlight, she worked as a police dispatcher. Derp!

Fri
Apr 28 2017 11:06am

Bad Penmanship Almost Foils Robbery

This week's tale might be further evidence that penmanship is a dying art these days thanks to computers and smartphones. Let me explain:

According to KRON, a man's sloppy handwriting almost put the kibosh on the robbery he was attempting to pull off. Apparently, the man walked into a Family Dollar store and slid a note demanding money to one of the employees behind the register. However, the employee could not read what the note said, so he handed it back and asked the guy to read it to him. How embarrassing!

The robber, of course, could read his own scribblings aloud without any problems, and the clerk quickly complied by emptying out the cash register and handing over a pack of smokes.

The man then skedaddled and got away scot-free. That is, until local police released a photo from the store's surveillance camera of the suspect. It did not take long for police to get some leads that led to his capture.

I will admit, my penmanship is pretty horrible too. How is yours?

Fri
Apr 21 2017 11:00am

Home Invader Cooks Himself Chicken

Would you mind coming home to a fully cooked chicken dinner? Would you feel the same if the person who cooked it was a bugler who broke into your house? Enter this week's perp derp...

According to FOX, a Florida woman returned home to find a strange man in her home frying up some succulent chicken and sipping on some vodka—her vodka. Welcome home, Lucy!!

As you might have guessed, the woman freaked out and jumped on the phone to call the police. The local police arrived on the scene and arrested Ronald G. Wesly, 34, and charged him with burglary.

Wesly allegedly went into the woman’s home after she left for work and must have been having so much fun that he did not realize how long he was there.

Okay, I am now in the mood for some fried chicken. Who wants to join me?

Fri
Apr 14 2017 11:03am

Phone Thief Runs Directly Into Police

Instant karma and instant regret all in about 15 seconds—this was the fate of the perp derp in this installment of Just Plain Stupid

According to UPI, a street thief in China who snatched a woman’s phone was captured only seconds after the cellphone jacking when the man realized his getaway route ran him right into a police station. It seems the thief was totally clueless of the surroundings and did not notice that the precinct’s parking was directly in his path. D'oh!

Luckily for us, there was a surveillance camera rolling (see below), and it shows the entire incident. The victim tried to follow the man but tripped and fell. Thankfully, she was unhurt in the tumble and also got her phone back.

[Watch the video below!]

Fri
Apr 7 2017 11:00am

Thieves Busted After Driving Stolen SUV to Courthouse

Criminals are often classified as not having good common sense. Well, it's clear that this week's perp derps have no common sense at all.

According to KRQE,  the pair of car thieves found themselves arrested after the LoJack system in the stolen SUV they were driving alerted police to their location. Here is the kicker: that location happened to be the courthouse where they were picking up ankle monitors from a previous kidnapping arrest.

Police were dumbfounded but quickly found the duo and arrested them at the scene.

Fri
Mar 31 2017 11:00am

Man Faces Charges After Eating Pancakes

Pancakes. I eat them at least once a week. I love them. It turns out this week's perp derp shares my love for the breakfast cake that is shaped like a pan, and he does not care where he consumes them.

According to News 4, a Florida man was charged with traffic obstruction after he was caught eating his hearty breakfast food smack-dab in the middle of a road at a busy intersection. As you might have guessed, it did not take long for the police to show up on the scene, but sadly, the suspect was nowhere to be found. He left no trace, not even a syrup trail. However, two days later, the photo and video of the individual eating pancakes was being shared around Facebook.

After the photo and video landed on Facebook, the local police did some detective work and figured out who the pancake-lovin’ man was and where he lived. It seems the guy lived only 100 yards away from the intersection where he had the most important meal of the day.

When police confronted the man, he said that it was just a silly prank and he did it for the lulz (aka laughs). The police were not laughing and slapped him with an order to show up in court.

Sat
Mar 25 2017 11:03am
Original Story

Man Impersonates Cop, Accidentally Drunk, Thief Stuck in Window, and more: The Bullet List

Teddy Pierson
Fri
Mar 24 2017 11:00am
Original Story

Family Comes Home to Find Naked Woman on Couch

Teddy Pierson

When I come home after a long day of work, finding a naked woman in my apartment might not sound all that bad. Though that sentiment might not be shared by others—for example: a mother with two little kids.

According to Fox 2, Brianna Willey found a woman just lounging on her couch after arriving home with her kids from being out all day. The woman they found, who was buck naked, said her name was Catherine and she was there for a birthday party.

Willey sprung into mother-mode and quickly ushered her kiddies outside and back into their car. Then, she promptly called the fuzz. Meanwhile, the naked woman inside the house attempted to put her clothes back on, but in her haste she put them on backwards the first time around. So, she stripped again in front of Willey in order to put them on correctly. I can only imagine what was going on in Willey's mind.

The police showed up and arrested the woman, who later told reporters that she was “highly intoxicated.” Well, I already figured that! Didn't you while reading this?

Here is the funniest part of this story: Willey's kids apparently cannot stop talking about the “naked lady.”

Fri
Mar 17 2017 11:00am

Tight Pants Leads to Major Coke Bust

This week's Perp Derp enjoys wearing tight pants when he travels. I tend to sway more towards comfort, but I'm not trying to smuggle 10 pounds of coke either.

According to CBS, Juan Carlos Galan Luperon, an American citizen, landed at John F. Kennedy International Airport from the Dominican Republic sporting extremely tight clothes and acting particularly nervous. His flair for fashion, bulging legs, and suspicious demeanor caught the eyes of many people at the airport, especially the customs officers. 

Luperon was pulled aside and brought to a private screening room for questioning. This is when officers found a whopping $164,000 worth of cocaine strapped to his legs. 

Luperon was arrested on federal narcotics smuggling charges. I am pretty sure the fashion police gave him a few citations, too.

Fri
Mar 10 2017 12:00pm

Fugitive Caught Because He Was a Litterbug

Sometimes a man is just destined to be in jail. Let me introduce you to one of those men: meet Travis Pratt from Virginia. Already in police custody, he allegedly broke out of jail, stole someone's pickup truck, stopped for some beers, and then proceeded onward and upward. Then, in what seemed an attempt to break as many laws as he could, Pratt added littering to his laundry list of illegal activity, tossing his empty brewskies out the window as he drove.

According to ABC7, unlike a newlywed couple headed off to honeymoon bliss, his trail of empty cans quickly became the breadcrumbs police needed to follow to find where Pratt was hiding. He was quickly put back in custody and is now facing charges for destruction of property, felony escaping, resisting arrest, and theft. But what a day of freedom he must've had!

Fri
Mar 3 2017 12:00pm

Man Snapchats the Fire He Started

A man in Florida was recently arrested in connection with a fire that torched a country clubhouse. But this wouldn't be Perp Derp if that was whole story—the arsonist used the social media app Snapchat to film and share his pyrotechnic adventures. 

According to the Palm Beach Post, Anthony Stowers allegedly sent his arson footage via Snapchat to a bunch of his friends, expressing that he was not pleased with how the clubhouse has been maintained lately. He said in the video post, “You know what? Y’all gonna see a structure fire tonight. I hope you all enjoy.” In a response to one of his friends, Stowers said he blacked out after drinking an entire bottle of rum and claimed he did not remembering starting the blaze.

In the end, Stowers admitted that he started the fire but was unsure about the details of that night. He also said that he doesn’t remember how he started the fire, but admitted that he always has a lighter on him.

I doubt the police believe this story. Do you?

Fri
Feb 24 2017 12:00pm

Prostitute Behind Bars After Offering Sex for Tacos

I felt like keeping the taco truck rolling with yet another taco-related tale for you this week.

According to the folks over at KJRH 2, a prostitute—Buffy Suzanne Bryan, 47—was arrested after offering to give a man oral sex in exchange for ... two soft tacos from the ultra high-end Taco Bell restaurant. Tasty!

This tale turned sour after the request because the man she wanted the tacos from was actually an undercover cop. Whoops! Turns out, the police were conducting a city-wide crackdown on prostitution.

After a brief exchange, she was promptly arrested for soliciting sex to an undercover police officer.

Bryan was only one of five other women who were arrested during the operation. Though, the others asked for more than just $2.14 worth of tacos…